This Is Not a Fortune Cookie (It’s a Letter From the Future)

Continuing with the theme of “Oh God, I’m Nearly 20”, the previous post, I thought I’d write about some of the things I’d tell my younger self.


To 8-year-old me, who wore the purple stretch swimming hat that matched her sister’s neon pink one: I know mum made you wear it, and I know you told her it looked bad. But kid, you’re not helping yourself by wearing it with the cap flipped up at the front. Stop trying to make fetch happen.

To 9-year-old me, who wore the blue floral sunhat that mum bought for you: Ditto.

To 12-year-old me, who wasn’t quite ready to grow up: Your entire grade 6 class is playing ‘My Humps’ by the Black Eyed Peas in front of the horror-stricken teacher, who’d recommended a “student choice” of a song for the class graduation party. You don’t understand the lyrics, you just know they are the most vulgar things you have ever heard. Avoid the sports store. You might learn a bad word from there.

To 13-year-old me, who’s really not having the best time: YOU WILL MEET YOUR GREATEST FRIENDS VERY SOON.

To me circa 2008/2007: You and Lucie just played a song called ‘I Heart Question Mark’ by Taylor… something. Wait. For. It.

To me-from-April-17-this-year: Erika is not going to reply to your text. Just wait until you see her in person to tell her about your dork-beanie.


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