Who Am I? Do I Live Here?

1) I have this unfortunately bad habit of forgetting everything I have done over a week gone by immediately as someone asks me the question, “So, what have you been up to this week?” I’m like a goldfish that way. Or Dory with short-term memory loss. It’s like even a hint of interest in what I’ve been doing with my life instructs my brain to DESTROY ALL EVIDENCE and CLEAR HARD-DRIVE OF THIS WEEKS HAPPENINGS. I’m often left there stuttering, squinting, or making miscellaneous “hmmmm” sounds while I rack my brain for some clue, ANY CLUE as to what I did, like, yesterday. I’ll say “It’s funny, I actually know I did something interesting, I feel like I did, I just can’t for the life of me remember what it was.” And my companion will stand adjacent to me, smiling with polite courtesy but surely doubting my sanity since I have the same response every week. Only when it’s too late will I exclaim with an almighty sense of self-satisfaction, “Aha! I went to the supermarket and… no that’s it.”

2) Is this for real? On my dashboard I saw “Top Searches: ‘crouton infomercial fail’ “. Did someone really search the Internet for that? A crouton infomercial? And wind up here? I must say, they were probably disappointed when they were seeking a hilarious crouton infomercial fail and ended up getting posts about braids and iParties.

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